When did I grow up? How did this happen? It feels like only yesterday I was playing barbies with my best friend, Anna, at my house in Lakewood. It is crazy for me to think that I have gone to school, graduated from college, had a career, got married to my best friend- John, and had a gorgeous baby girl- Burke. I still have "those feeling" every now and then, like everyone does... I feel like I'm this little girl "looking in" on what seems to be my life. I feel like one day I'm just going to wake up and be 10-years-old. It is so strange to me to think that when I was nine, Anna and I use to "play teenagers & college" ...we were 18! The weird part is I am NOW 10 years OLDER than what we were pretending to be! Oh, to be able to use my imagination like that again!
Speaking of imagination... where did it go? It seems today, that our lives are so planned out so monopolized by technology that we don't have time to daydream about who we are or what we want to be. We are so caught up with out video games, tweets, you tube and Facebook that we forget to "leave a little mystery " to our lives. We forget that when we were in 4nd grade we were unstoppable and were going to be an astronaut, a writer or a doctor. Now we are hoping and day dreaming about MARRYING a doctor. When I was young, Anna and I use to draw maps that led to basically no where and would ride from one house to the other on our bikes all over the neighborhood. With the way that society is .... sadly, I can't see myself allowing Burke to do the same, times have changed.
Do not get me wrong, I am still that fun loving, free-flowing girl that will talk to anyone and everyone and I see those traits in Burke. My issue, is that the world has changed and it's not just one person that is the odd-ball that stands out in the neighborhood. There are many people that unfortunately, you can not trust and you need to LOOKOUT for your children. I never understood that until I became a parent. (Yes, I know mom, I am eating my words from when I was younger!) I was the kid that just wanted to "GO"... go anywhere...I just wanted to experience the world. Now I understand why my parents had to restrain me from being "too friendly" to everyone. It was not me, it was the other people. I just see it now with Burke. She is friendly, social and has so much love to give that it scary to be a parent.
I just want to know what happened. I know I always wanted to be a parent, but I never expected another human to consume my life like she has. I just feel like I want to be with her all the time. I know I need to start to pull away a little and let her experience life for herself and I need to regain my life, but I just love being with my family. I will start to do new things and have my own experiences again. I have already started... I took a trapeze class a couple of months ago and next month I am going to take a cake decorating class. I can not wait to start class but until then, John Burke and I are just going to have a great time out while all the other kids are back in school!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Please Don't Stop The Music
What a difference a few years make...It is amazing to me that over the years; we don't realize how much our tastes really change. Take music for example. There is something to be said for a really great live version of "Layla" by Eric Clapton or a mother singing to her beautiful daughter a lighter, simpler version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." No matter who you are or what country you are in or from; music has an influence over your life. With that said, your music tastes change over the years, even slightly.
It so crazy to see that there is such a cosmic pull in your body when certain music plays. There are always "those songs." You know the ones that when played no matter where you are it is like an out of body experience. I know for me when I listen to "The Pot" by Tool, no matter where I am or what I'm doing I just... LET GO (which of course, I can't do while driving). It just makes me want to "dance it out" whatever I'm feeling at the moment. The reason I mention this, six or seven years ago I would have never thought such an "experience" could happen. I always listened to music, loved music, sang and danced; but it was only in those past seven years I have found how it can totally CHANGE your whole demeanor. How you can have one of those terrible, horrible, nothing is going right, kind of days and then you put on a little Bob, and you know that every little thing is going to be alright!
I have been going through my old Cd's; playing them one by one and singing every word (because I still know them somehow) and thinking, "why do those songs just stick like napalm?" I have not seen many 30-something year-old men blaring, Raffi, out their car windows lately; but if they have children they know every word to "Baby Beluga" because of their children and their own past. I remember growing up to my mom singing "You are My Sunshine " and now 28 years later singing it to my own daughter. I realize then that great music, " your music" last forever and is swayed by that period in your life.
I can feel the effects when a certain song comes on the radio or a specific memory flashes through my mind in the blink of an eye over hearing my favorite song. I know for me there are always certain songs that I permanently attach a person to. I could hear "I Saw Him Standing There" (Tiffany's version) and I'm 10 years-old again with my best friend, Anna, and we are putting on a show for her sister and her friends...Oh, and I still know the dance moves to this day! There is the "go to" song for karaoke, "Last Dance." Then, there are those rare times where your hear a band or singer for the first time, and it literally "changes your life." For me, that was Tori Amos, and my Uncle Jim introduced me to her when I was about 12 and it meant the world to me! I know then what my new dream was, song writing. Unfortunately, I could not play an instrument to be able to write music to the lyrics. Then there is that special song that I danced with my husband to "Making Memories of Us" by Keith Urban and that song will always remind me of my first husband an wife dance an how I truly felt at that exact moment, in love. Or if I turn on a little Bob Marley, I'm right back in Jamaica with the crystal blue water on naked island with a mudslide or a rum punch in my hand. I then discovered dancing (S-factor), and there are still songs that just make me "come alive" and feel the music. I hear "Gardenia" by Mandy Moore or "Closer" by Kings of Leon and I'm transformed into this creature that is just in my own world. It is an over whelming feeling the first time that you truly let go and get out of your head.
Now it seems to have come full circle as my daughter, Burke, is being so heavily influenced by music through her parents. Since she was a sparkle in my eye, she has been listening to music. She listens to everything from Tool or Metallica, to Bach, to Chris Botti, to Sugarland or Taylor Swift, she has heard it all. I could swear the other day I caught her singing in the car with me (she is seven months old). I was driving down the freeway and she was wide awake and happy. She pulled her Nuk out of her mouth and started babbling along with me and the music. I heard her, turned down the music and she stopped, then turned the music back up and she started up again. Coincidence? I hope not!
It so crazy to see that there is such a cosmic pull in your body when certain music plays. There are always "those songs." You know the ones that when played no matter where you are it is like an out of body experience. I know for me when I listen to "The Pot" by Tool, no matter where I am or what I'm doing I just... LET GO (which of course, I can't do while driving). It just makes me want to "dance it out" whatever I'm feeling at the moment. The reason I mention this, six or seven years ago I would have never thought such an "experience" could happen. I always listened to music, loved music, sang and danced; but it was only in those past seven years I have found how it can totally CHANGE your whole demeanor. How you can have one of those terrible, horrible, nothing is going right, kind of days and then you put on a little Bob, and you know that every little thing is going to be alright!
I have been going through my old Cd's; playing them one by one and singing every word (because I still know them somehow) and thinking, "why do those songs just stick like napalm?" I have not seen many 30-something year-old men blaring, Raffi, out their car windows lately; but if they have children they know every word to "Baby Beluga" because of their children and their own past. I remember growing up to my mom singing "You are My Sunshine " and now 28 years later singing it to my own daughter. I realize then that great music, " your music" last forever and is swayed by that period in your life.
I can feel the effects when a certain song comes on the radio or a specific memory flashes through my mind in the blink of an eye over hearing my favorite song. I know for me there are always certain songs that I permanently attach a person to. I could hear "I Saw Him Standing There" (Tiffany's version) and I'm 10 years-old again with my best friend, Anna, and we are putting on a show for her sister and her friends...Oh, and I still know the dance moves to this day! There is the "go to" song for karaoke, "Last Dance." Then, there are those rare times where your hear a band or singer for the first time, and it literally "changes your life." For me, that was Tori Amos, and my Uncle Jim introduced me to her when I was about 12 and it meant the world to me! I know then what my new dream was, song writing. Unfortunately, I could not play an instrument to be able to write music to the lyrics. Then there is that special song that I danced with my husband to "Making Memories of Us" by Keith Urban and that song will always remind me of my first husband an wife dance an how I truly felt at that exact moment, in love. Or if I turn on a little Bob Marley, I'm right back in Jamaica with the crystal blue water on naked island with a mudslide or a rum punch in my hand. I then discovered dancing (S-factor), and there are still songs that just make me "come alive" and feel the music. I hear "Gardenia" by Mandy Moore or "Closer" by Kings of Leon and I'm transformed into this creature that is just in my own world. It is an over whelming feeling the first time that you truly let go and get out of your head.
Now it seems to have come full circle as my daughter, Burke, is being so heavily influenced by music through her parents. Since she was a sparkle in my eye, she has been listening to music. She listens to everything from Tool or Metallica, to Bach, to Chris Botti, to Sugarland or Taylor Swift, she has heard it all. I could swear the other day I caught her singing in the car with me (she is seven months old). I was driving down the freeway and she was wide awake and happy. She pulled her Nuk out of her mouth and started babbling along with me and the music. I heard her, turned down the music and she stopped, then turned the music back up and she started up again. Coincidence? I hope not!
Sunday, August 23, 2009
It's My First!
So here we are... first time for everything, right? My first attempt at blog. I have found that I'm behind in the times and I need my husband's help to "download a template." Sad. I am still new to the setup, so bare with me. I feel like I have something to say, but what is it? Is it my life, my relationships, other's relationships, vacation, my family life, my work life, recipes, life with my friends, things I love, things I hate or ALL of the above? I'm not sure which way my focus is going. I would hope to touch on all of it. All I know is that I only have enough time... between feedings!
Things I should do on a sunday afternoon... Clean the house, organize my papers, start packing, make dinner for my husband, and make more baby food. What am going to do instead? Hang with my family, go see District 9, and have a nice dinner at my mom's house. That is my idea of "Sunday Funday!" Sometimes you just have to hang and enjoy a glass of wine.
Things I should do on a sunday afternoon... Clean the house, organize my papers, start packing, make dinner for my husband, and make more baby food. What am going to do instead? Hang with my family, go see District 9, and have a nice dinner at my mom's house. That is my idea of "Sunday Funday!" Sometimes you just have to hang and enjoy a glass of wine.
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